Careful Hands

“Put your coat on, this city trembles.
Keep your chin up, as you untangle God
From cold blood and bruises.

We are X-rays of something broken.
Cursive bloodlines write every forecast:
An orchestration Of dissonance and innocent surrender.

When our color dies,
We will bury the ashes of time,
And we will earn new eyes.

Wrists get tired rewriting futures.
Our bodies beg us to be creatures of habit.
We are creatures of habit.”

To me, this song says it all right now. I can’t figure God out. I never will be able to. Yet, I trust Him and I am attempting to keep my chin up through all of this. I am learning to see God in the mess, hurt and pain. (Untangling God from cold blood and bruises).

I am broken and shattered and I beg and try to reason with God argumentatively only to come to the realization that all I need to do is surrender. Trials and tests are instruments used to shape and form me.
(Cursive bloodlines write every forecast: An orchestration Of dissonance and innocent surrender.)

I know that one day, in time I will realize the reasoning behind the pain and the purpose for the suffering. (When our color dies, We will bury the ashes of time, And we will earn new eyes.)

I can’t foresee the future. I am human and I am susceptible to the frailties of human nature. I crave stability and I crave comfort. I am a creature of habit.
(Wrists get tired rewriting futures. Our bodies beg us to be creatures of habit. We are creatures of habit.”)

Basically the song is amazing and I just get it.

-ar-

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Heart spill.

For a brief instance out of the corner of my mind’s eye I could’ve sworn I saw something so vivid yet so unclear; my future.

It’s as if I ran a script through my mind or watched it move across a screen before my eyes only to be so rudely interrupted by the many distractions that life so unexpectedly brings.

I’m almost grateful that my expectations are not secure just in the confines of my own heart and mind and that I am able to freely discover much greater things that may seem unattainable to my limited hopes and dreams.

But when we dream daringly, seeing no limits and understanding that our minds are of slight dimension compared to His elaborate mind is when we begin to understand to a somewhat moderate degree how much more there actually is. The fact that we aren’t able to grasp the fullness can seem overwhelming yet can be so invigorating and even, comforting.

I seem to be understanding that the limits I put on my dreams and heart’s desires are directly related to the insecurities and fears that I face deep within myself. I’ve been jaded by disappointment but have learned that where faith is lacking, doubt is very present.

To the best of my ability I intend to embrace my current state with joy and gratitude. My aim is to grow. To learn. To dream.

And I feel like I’m finally dreaming again…